Looking at Things Differently

I am not AS nervous anymore.... There is still that thought lingering in the back of my mind but I realized that I need to stay with my faith. Over the past few weeks I have been taking a huge step in my spirituality I just realized that I really needed to take a step back and put certain things in the Lords hands and I really needed patience. As crazy as this sounds I feel like once I did that Amir and I got our Positive pregnancy test. So in realizing that I put this thought in my head with miscarriage I put the thought out of my head. I have been reading the bible a little bit here and there and I really believe sometimes what I choose the read I have chosen for some reason...The other day I read a verse that essentially said that you need to maintain faith and that fear is something that was established by the Devil. This didn't make me remove all fear immediately but it made me realize have nothing to fear things will work out the way they are intended to and Amir and I will deal with whatever is handed to us regardless of how hard it is.

How I am feeling....
Still neasueas and having some issues with my stomache. My boobs are also beginning to hurt. Initially only my nipple was sore. I felt as if someone decided to pinch them and never let go but over the past few days I am finding that my whole boob is starting to get sore as well. I am also EXHAUSTED all I want to do is sleep.

Nervous....

I am trying not to be nervous but the thought of miscarriage is in the back of my head daily. I went to the doctor Thursday where they took betas. I was told yesterday that although everything looked fine they want me to come back and do a repeat of the beta test to make sure my hcg levels are rising and this really makes me nervous. WHY would you think they are not? Is this to my history of miscarriage? I am just scared.....I really just want everything to work out and I feel like all I can do is wait and see. I need to stay off the nest boards because I feel like I always end up reading something on them that stresses me more or scares me.

In other news... I have an appointment with a midwife but its not until December. She came highly recommended from a really great friend so I am definitely using her. This is scary though because I feel like I have pretty much decided to have Birth Center Birth with a midwife...WOW

First Doctors Appointment

So yesterday I went to the doctor and it was pretty uneventful. I filled out a ton of paper work and the doctor asked me a bunch of stuff and then I did a Beta test and that was it. I am waiting for the Beta results back I can call the office after 2:30pm today. So I guess I will call at 2:31pm lol. He said when I call in for that I can schedule an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. His EDD is June 17th I am betting that I am actually due June 20th or somewhere around there so we shall see.

I did decide that i am switching to a midwife practice. I felt so rushed yesterday and felt as if I didnt get any of the questions I had answered. I walked out more confused than when I walked in and that is NOT how I want the next 9 months to be OR my labor/delivery for that matter. So I am going to schedule the ultrasound because I am anxious for that and then I am going to jump ship and switch to the practice I found.

How am I feeling? This seems to be the question I get coming from the very small sample of people who know and in a nut shell sometimes I feel great other times I feel TERRIBLE!!! I am neasueas constantly...and the heartburn stays around daily now and for the last 2 days (THIS IS TMI so SORRY) I have been constipated and my stomache is killing me as a result. I am also super exhausted I honestly think I have been in bed by 9pm every night this week. I am still really just getting it....I am having a baby...I am going to be a mom....Now I am trying figure out when to tell my Principal. I feel I have to tell her soon because I will be going to the doctors and because I think the sickness will only get worse. But I am not sure when....My students I think I will let them figure it out later on. But we shall see.

Guess What.....

We are PREGNANT!!!!

I took a pregnancy test this afternoon on a whim and it was positive!! I am 12 days past ovulation and had a few minor symptoms that could have been read either way such as nausea and heart burn. I am still in complete and utter shock and have looked at the test a trillion times because I really can't believe it. Amir is being a little cautious he said he is happy but doesn't want me to get my hopes up until I see a doctor and am safely out of early miscarriage danger. I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon.

I pray pray pray this all works out but I am thankful to God that we got over this first hurdle!

We are not telling family until Thanksgiving I hope I can hold out that long but for now.... blog followers you are the first to know!!!

Graduate School

So I think I feel like I am not doing enough when I am not in school because I am going crazy feeling like my mind is idle. I am taking a class for my certification but its very repetative in stuff I have learned already so its not really driving my desire to be in school.

With that being said I am applying to Grad School...I am looking into a PhD program at the University of Maryland. Its a PhD in Education Policy which falls right in line with my ultimate goes of moving into education administration and working for a school board or eventually becoming a superintendant. The program is very rigourous and I have to actually take the GRE which was not required for my masters. The application deadline for next fall is Nov. 15th so I am going to start studying for the GRE and see where I am in a few weeks if I dont feel ready than I will just prepare myself for the spring semester application deadline which is in April. I have to score within the 70th percentile in one subject area and in the 50th percentile for the other two subject areas so we shall see.

I am also still considering applying to Law School so that I can keep my options open. Those of you that know me know this has been in the back of my head forever and I put it on hold to have a baby. Amir and I spoke about this over the weekend and decided that we can do both.

So that where I am right now studying for the GRE and LSAT.....

In other news Horseback riding has been kicking my butt. It seems that ever since I decided to prepare for this show my trainer has become a drill sargeant. We have been working longer and harder and feel it all the time but I still love it.

In cycle news I am on Cycle Day 17, I stopped charting halfway through this cycle because I had alchohol quite a bit this cycle and a few restless sleep nights so my chart all around was not accurate so I just gave it up. I dont think I ovulated yet though I think I will ovulate in a few days so we shall see. This month Amir and I are just trying to have sex everyday during our fertile window and we shall see what happens. Last month I think we missed it because my ovulation date was off by two days and we stopped having sex a day or so after I thought I ovulated because we were tired.

Anywho we shall see only time will tell...

Background Credit

I just wanted to say thanks Jin for the background!! I never know where to go to change my background and you always give me sites to check out whenever you change yours so I felt I should give credit where credit was due! It was about time for a change.

Have you ever been really hurt or upset by something but felt that you really had no business being mad about it? Thats how I feel today I am so frustrated by things going on...so overwhelmed by everything...and I feel like I unintentionally created new issues for myself. Whenever I feel like things are going great something ALWAYS manages to rain on my parade. I don't know if its hormones or what but I am just a mess today and should have kept my butt in bed. I have no reason being at work today...