Reverb 10: Day 12

Prompt:

Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

When I was in labor. I spent a lot of time preparing for labor and delivery. I had my ideal of how I wanted to give birth and this ideal required my mind to work hand in hand with my body. I feel like it truly did. Because I was able to allow my mind and body to work together I was better able to express what I was feeling and determine what was best for me even when it was not necessarily what I wanted.

Reverb 10: Day 11

Prompt:

11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. Cancer! Chemotherapy to eliminate any left over cancer cells from my surgery. Getting rid of this will help me get back to my normal life and focus on what really matters!
2. Unnecessary people...I am a firm believer in energy. I believe that people carry positive and negative energy and I believe that energy can affect those around you. I am removing those in my life I feel carry negative energy. If you can not bring anything positive into my life that I really do not need you around. I am determined to create a positive and nurturing environment for Alex and I believe that starts with removing the negative energy around me.
3. Horrible eating habits...I am a fairly healthy eater however I honestly do not eat enough. I am so caught up on life sometimes that I don't take time during the day to eat. As a result since I have been sick I have lost a tremendous amount of weight and as I have said before I really don't weigh much to begin with. I am being force fed Ensure these days to make sure I get the needed calories or I will be back in the hospital. Not happening. I am going to make time to eat daily and carry around snacks.
4. People pleasing... I need to work on pleasing myself and stop worrying so much about others. I have learned you will never make everyone happy! That being said I absolutely need to make sure I make myself happy.

*** This post is hard for me lol I will keep adding as I come up with them***

Reverb 10: Day 10

Prompt:

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Going to get the lump in my breast check out! I was told it was just a cyst but it made me uneasy. I am GLAD I had it checked out. It saved my life! It may have cause me stress over the next few months and it caused me to have major surgery but it is all absolutely worth it to be around to see Alex grow up!

Reverb 10: Day 9

Prompt:

Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Considering I spent most of 2010 pregnant I really never went out. I was always home eating or sleeping LOL. BUT I did go out with a few coworkers for a happy hour at the beginning of the school year. I had a lot of fun. This was the first time I had the opportunity to go out since I the beginning of my pregnancy. It was a very laid back crowd we went to a restaurant down by the water front. The weather was perfect because it was late summer. I love my coworkers. I am one of the youngest ones in the crowd I hang out with but not by much. Everyone is in their early to mid thirties and I am the baby at 26. We talked about the upcoming school year, we laughed about some of the crazy things that have happened in the past, and had a really good time. The happy hour was at a seafood restaurant called Phillips which is on a strip with quite a few other places. So after we left Phillips we walked down to a spot called the Zanzibar where there was a DJ and we danced. It was the first time I had been in a "club" in forever.

Since graduating from college I am not really a big drinker and I definitely very rarely go to a club. My close friend China actually always calls me an "old lady" because by about midnight I am done for the night and want to go home and go to sleep. In college we may have just been walking out the door at midnight. That being said this is why this night was so much for me. I stepped out of my comfort zone and I had a blast. I had a few drinks, I danced like crazy, and just hung out with the girls. Definitely one of the best social gathers I have been to in 2010.

The crazy thing is I had no intention of staying out so late. I had a certification exam the next morning. I took the two hour test the next day with a terrible hang over and mentally prepared to retake it in a few months. Ironically I passed! Not only did I pass but I did really well.

I am NOT my hair.

So I am officially free of my hair. Today has been a very emotional one for me. I have tried to mentally prepare myself for this moment from the day I found out that I was battling cancer. But there is nothing that can prepare you for the moment when you must truly face reality. My hair began to fall out while I was in the hospital. It was coming out in chunks and there was really not much I could do with it.

Today I finally decided it was time to let it go. I cried so hard when my hair stylist cut my hair and I cried even more when I got home. While I was pregnant my hair grew soooo much! I loved my post pregnancy hair and it was something I had embraced and now I have NO hair. It was a big pill for me to swallow. But I have embraced it. I have some hair scarfs that I will likely wear daily and I bought some larger earrings and I guess I can get in the habit of throwing on some make up here or there.

I realize like India Arie says "I am not my hair" I can not let this define me or shape who I am. It will grow back!

On another note I have decided that when it does grow back I will not be relaxing it. I have had a perm for two years and I think I am taking this as my opportunity to go back to my natural hair. I loved my afro and I can not wait to have it back!

Reverb 10: Day 8

Prompt:

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

I am going to take Donnies Idea on this one and just give a top 10 list of what makes me different:

1. I am very silly! I love to laugh and make those around me laugh. 
2. I LOVE to horseback ride and plan to get back in the saddle one day soon. I think I want to show in the spring and if I start riding now I can pull it off.
3. I am one of the only people I know that was raised in a single parent home by my DAD. I know tons of people who came up in single parent homes but they were all were raised by moms. My dad raised me and I love him so much more for that.
4. If you are in my life I really must love you. I am very reserved and private and those I call "friends" mean a lot to me or they would not get that title. It is very hard for me to let people in and once I have let you in it is because I have felt some kind of bond or connection to you.
5. I have a HUGE shoe obsession but I hate to wear them LOL. I love shoes and buy them all the time but because of my job I very rarely wear heels so a lot of my shoes do not get worn half as much as they could be. 
6. I really wish I had the will power to become a vegeterian. 
7. I feel like music is food for my soul. I love it! Especially songs with meaning. I can be having the worse day EVER and a good song can lift my spirits.
8. I am a city bred girl that LOVES the country. If I had my way we would buy a huge house in the country where I can own horses and our dogs could run free and I can sit by the lake and read. I love the outdoors.
9. I am always thinking of others. I truly do care about others and I am constantly trying to help anyone I can. Even with all thats going on with me my priorities still typically shift to what others are going through.
10. I have a bit of a Napoleon complex. I am tiny, barely 5 ft and currently weighing in at not much of anything. That being said I have a very big mouth and will curse someone out in a minute. Over the years I have calmed down A LOT but there was a point when I really did not know how to shut up!

Reverb 10: Day 7

Prompt:

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I have truly discovered a community within the school I work for. Its very funny how things come full circle because a year ago I HATED my job. However, with a new principal, my stress level has gone down significantly and I have grown to love it. Not only have I grown to love my job but I also love my co-workers. My co-workers look out for me and we have a very close knit group. We act like a family and I love it. The way they embraced my being sick really took me by surprise and it has made truly appreciate the environment I work in.

I want to become active in my Sorority. I have not been active since I graduated under grad and I think I would like to join a graduate chapter. This will give me the opportunity to connect with Sorors in my area and get into some service work which I would love to do.