No time to sit down

Life has been so hectic for me lately I don't know where to begin. This is always a busy and stressful time for me at work. I do not know why but for some reason after Christmas I begin to really start to get anxious about the school year. I think its because we are not far from June and it is really important for me to make sure ALL my kids walk out my classroom on grade level even if they did not come in that way. That is extremely difficult in a neighborhood where only 13% of the children are performing at or above level. Considering how much I have been out I was very worried about my kids progress but we have made great strides! Needless to say work is keeping me busy. I am typically one to bring work home as opposed to working late at school but working late a lot in the recent weeks. Needless to say I have gone from seeing my baby boy at 4:30 every day to sometimes not until after 6 because Amir will pick him up on those days.

I met with my principal about a month ago and we decided that I will be moving up to second

grade next year with my students. This is such an awesome opportunity for all involved. Its great for the kids because they get some consistency. Its great for me because I will already know all of my students and can jump right into the school year. I am also looking forward to moving up to a higher grade.

It is amazing how different a place can feel with different leadership. Last year I was so unhappy and could not WAIT to get out of the building. I was looking high and low for a new job. Things did not work as planned and I returned to my old school but my old principal retired and I LOVE the new one. She is a breathe of fresh air.

Outside of work everything is going well. I have 12 Chemo treatments left which means I will be done with Chemo one week after my 27th birthday. Thats hoping that I don't have any set backs such as another infection that gets me admitted into the hospital or a drastic drop in my white blood count. After my last chemo treatment I have to wait a month and then I will go back into surgery to have the tissue expander replaced that was removed when I got sick a few months ago and had emergency surgery. I will then have that expander filled gradually which I am thinking will take about 3-6 weeks. Then I have to wait another 2 months and I can fin

ally have my expanders replaced with permanent implants. I am really excited about this I am looking forward to looking normal again (Currently I have lopsided boobs and have to stuff my bra). So I am thinking around the end of summer I will have boobs. I will then have a few minor in office procedures to reconstruct my nipples and tattoo them back to the right color.

As far as my hair I am told it will start to grow back as soon as I stop chemo so I am sure by late spring early summer it will have begun to grow back I am thinking I am going to keep it short and curly for awhile and I definitely decided that I am going to keep it natural for a few years. I had natural hair for about 4 or 5 years. I wore it usually in a big curly afro or had it straightened. I had it relaxed permanently right before my wedding. I know my hair stylist is going to insist that I relax it again so we shall see :-). I am just really excited for the Spring it really signifies new beginnings for me and I cant wait!

In terms of Alex he as always is doing amazing! He has a half crawl going on and we officially have baby proofed the house. He is also beginning to pull up on things now! His personality comes out more and more every day as well. It's so funny how much of Amir and I can be seen in him. Amir is so laid back and down to earth and so is Alex. I on the other hand am very feisty and lack patience Alex absolutely has my patience. He is 100% sleeping through the night in his crib. He has been doing this for some time but we definitely experienced a wakeful period around 6 months and he regressed for a moment to waking up 2 a night which was so hard because I was exhausted. He is eating a lot and we have started introducing a few finger foods here and there but he doesn't seem all that interested just yet so he is still eating tons of baby food. So far his favorite finger foods are pancakes. Here are a few new pictures.

Alex!!!

My baby boy is getting so big and doing new things daily!! I think we wil have a crawler soon. He is pretty good at the army crawl and is all over the place these days. He has started rocking on his hands and knees but does realize the power of them yet. I love this boy soooo MUCH!

I had to find a new daycare provider because I was not happy at all with our first one. I LOVE the new daycare. This woman is amazing and so good with Alex. She does all I ask of her and I am not worried all day about what he is doing.

Here are a few pics of him from the past few days:

Reverb Fail

I failed at reverb :-(

Not really I plan to catch up at some point but honestly I have been feeling so crappy lately! I am craving for my body back and a time when I just felt normal. I am sad at how much of Alex's infant stage I miss because I don't feel well. I am just not really feeling this cancer crap right now!!!

Reverb 10: Day 13

Prompt:

Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

I am simultaneaously participating in two end of the year challenges. The other one I am working on is a bit more private and as a result I have chosen to document that one in a journal. However the other challenge has really forced me to not only determine my next steps but put solids plans in place to ensure that these things get done. So here are the things I have planned to do in 2011:

• Spend more Quality time with my boys: Sometimes Amir and I are just going through the motions and we very rarely take time for ourselves our just fun family time. We will absolutely do more of that in the coming year.
• Create boundries with my extended family: I can not physically or mentally meet the demands of my family to constantly be in NY for things. I have decided we will definitely go to NY twice a year. Anything more is because I feel like it.
• Eat better and meditate daily
• Work towards buying a new home: We have outgrown our townhouse which I LOVE! This place is my baby but we have decided we are buying a single family home next year!!!
• Get into a Ph. D program or Law School (Haven't decided for sure which one I may just apply to both)
• Make sure we plan a vacation for next year.

Reverb 10: Day 12

Prompt:

Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

When I was in labor. I spent a lot of time preparing for labor and delivery. I had my ideal of how I wanted to give birth and this ideal required my mind to work hand in hand with my body. I feel like it truly did. Because I was able to allow my mind and body to work together I was better able to express what I was feeling and determine what was best for me even when it was not necessarily what I wanted.

Reverb 10: Day 11

Prompt:

11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1. Cancer! Chemotherapy to eliminate any left over cancer cells from my surgery. Getting rid of this will help me get back to my normal life and focus on what really matters!
2. Unnecessary people...I am a firm believer in energy. I believe that people carry positive and negative energy and I believe that energy can affect those around you. I am removing those in my life I feel carry negative energy. If you can not bring anything positive into my life that I really do not need you around. I am determined to create a positive and nurturing environment for Alex and I believe that starts with removing the negative energy around me.
3. Horrible eating habits...I am a fairly healthy eater however I honestly do not eat enough. I am so caught up on life sometimes that I don't take time during the day to eat. As a result since I have been sick I have lost a tremendous amount of weight and as I have said before I really don't weigh much to begin with. I am being force fed Ensure these days to make sure I get the needed calories or I will be back in the hospital. Not happening. I am going to make time to eat daily and carry around snacks.
4. People pleasing... I need to work on pleasing myself and stop worrying so much about others. I have learned you will never make everyone happy! That being said I absolutely need to make sure I make myself happy.

*** This post is hard for me lol I will keep adding as I come up with them***

Reverb 10: Day 10

Prompt:

Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Going to get the lump in my breast check out! I was told it was just a cyst but it made me uneasy. I am GLAD I had it checked out. It saved my life! It may have cause me stress over the next few months and it caused me to have major surgery but it is all absolutely worth it to be around to see Alex grow up!