Since the moment I received my diagnosis I have tried to be strong. In many cases I feel I have handled this news better than some of my family and friends who have cried and clung to me since day one. I think I finally really broke down yesterday and my poor husband did not know what to do. He tried to make me feel better but nothing he said made me feel better and finally he just stopped talking. Its so dumb because I was crying over something so minor. With all the MAJOR factors I need to consider with the reality of breast cancer. I was sad because I was going to have no hair for my next birthday. I guess in my brian I thought by the new year I would be done. Yesterday I met with the oncologist and the reality of Chemo really kicked in. The reality of being tired, menopausal, sick, and hairless for 5 months hit me hard. I know it sounds so trivial. I know I need to be grateful for my life and for the medical technology that has helped me survive this but I am still a 26 year old woman and I just want to be that. I just feel like cancer has taken ALL that makes me a woman away. I will go through early menopause and need to PRAY it reverses or we will have no more children. I lost my breast and now my hair.....I am heart broken. Not to mention I feel like a terrible mother. I can only hold Alex for but so long before it becomes painful or difficult. I am tired ALL the time and I just want my life back. So I guess in retrospect I was not crying because I was going to be bald for my birthday it was because I realized how much of my life cancer has taken from me already in its short lived presence and I realized how far we still have to go.
In other news my beautiful baby boy is now 4 months and I still could not be more in LOVE! We opted to introduce solids and the suggestion of our Pediatrician. I was originally going to hold off until after the 6 month mark but Alex has shown interest in food and I feel he is ready and with all thats going on we just needed a happy moment. I love feeding him its fun! We have only done rice cereal and sweet potato and I am making our baby food using a food processor. I have enjoyed spending more time with my little man while I have been home recouping. I did send him back to the babysitter this week because I am home alone this week and it would be too much to care for him on my own.
Here are some pictures of him eating rice cereal :-)
2 comments:
It's random - but I do know that once through menopause, the uterus doesn't age, and there is a way to be able to get pregnant and carry to term (gotta love Discovery Health), but I think it's a process similar to IVF.
I am confused though, on why you will be going through menopause. Is it from the chemo or linked to the cancer?
Glad you finally had a break down. It's not good keeping all of that inside :(
And find a fly wig or an awesome headscarf and wear it proud!
And do elaborate on the solid food transition. I'm thinking of going that route eventually (making it), and it'd give you a little distraction :)
Jin I will dedicate a post to some baby food making but there is a website called http://wholesomebabyfood.com/ that is dedicated to babyfood recipes. Its super easy usually just cook and then puree in a blender or processor.
The Menopause is the result of Chemo it is another side effect. We are debating having some eggs stored so we can use them later to have another baby but my oncologist said there is a chance the menopause would reverse itself in a year or so.
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