December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
My word for 2010 is Bittersweet. The dictionary defines bittersweet as "both pleasant and painful". This is how I feel. This year was amazing for me. I spent the first half of this year getting to know my son in a way only he and I can share because I carried him in my belly and got to connect with him in a way that is truly special to me. It was amazing because I also gave birth to my son and my family grew. My husband and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary and I became an Aunt. The year truly has been "sweet" to me and it really is hard for me to complain. The good truly outweighed the bad. However, there is still that bitter side. Towards the end of the year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my life changed drastically.
My word for 2011 is free. I hope to be free of the burden of cancer and free of all the baggage that has come with it!
Prompt:
December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Talking on the phone! I spend A LOT of time on the phone and Amir often complains that I am always chatting with someone when I walk through the door from work or while I am doing other things around the house. I think because I am far away from a large chunk of my family and friends this is how I stay connected to them. But I absolutely could do a lot less chatting on the phone and dedicate more of that time to myself, Amir and even Alex (although Alex get a large portion of my non working time). Sometimes I talk to the same people multiple times a day. I probably could reduce that to once. So although I can not absolutely eliminate my phone time I definitely think I can reduce it.
Prompt:
December 3- Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
This is a very simple moment for me. The day before I went into labor. I was already a week and half over due and it was early summer. Amir and I knew that any day now we would no longer be a duo but a trio and we were really committed to making the most of our last few days together. This particular day we took our first trip of the summer to my favorite summer spot, Annapolis, MD. It's a 20 minute drive from our home and it is the like heaven to me, I LOVE the water. The air smelled warm and salty and we walked along the harbor and looked at the yachts. We had Sydney, our 4 year old cocker spaniel, with us and she was excited and jumped all over the place. There were a lot of other dogs out so Sydney was barking every once in awhile and trying to chase every seagull she saw. Although I was very far in my pregnancy I did not feel bad at all I was just happy to be out. I love the spring and summer and we choose to be out in the sun daily if you let me.
We stopped at an ice cream shop and got ice cream. Amir got a cup and I for chose to get a cone with two scoops. Although we were right by the water the air was stick hot and sticky and in hindsight that cone was a bad idea. We sat at a table outside the shop and ate our ice cream, while Sydney napped under the table. Suddenly not one but both scoops of ice cream I had fell right off the cone as I licked it because I wasn't eating fast enough and it had melt because of the heat. Sydney immediately hopped up and helped her self and Amir and I could not help but laugh. I went back inside and got some more ice cream and when we finished we hopped in the car and headed home. It was just a great day.
I really believe it was the perfect ending to our duo...the next evening my water broke and the day after that we welcomed our son into the world. Everything just came full circle for us.
Prompt:
December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
This unfortunately is where I must reflect on my diagnosis of cancer. I can not help but wonder where would I be had things been done differently.
What if I would have gone to the doctor when I "thought" I felt a lump and not waited until I absolutely felt one.
What if I would have insisted my doctor take the lump more seriously instead of telling me I was to young to have cancer and that they would do nothing until after I was pregnant.
I have so many more what ifs.... I can not help but wonder how things would be now had I followed my instincts sooner.....
Prompt:
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I am still in the process of working on this but I am trying be more receptive of letting others help me. I am a very private person and I don't like to except the help of others. I don't like feeling like I owe others and I don't really like being dependent on anyone other than me. If I do not depend on others than I can not be mad at any one letting me down right? I truly need to let this go. Since getting sick in many ways I have had no choice but to let go but, it is still a constant struggle.
I also let go of anyone or anything that I felt was an unnecessary stressor for me. This started while I was pregnant because I grew up in chaos and this was something I never wanted for my children. From the moment I found I was pregnant I decided I needed to remove the stress. A lot happen at the end of last year and I got a late start on committing to this but I did stick to it in 2010 and am so grateful I did. Life is so much easier without added chaos and drama.
Last...I am letting go of my hair! I mentioned earlier my hair has begun to fall out. I am actually anxious for a hair cut and embracing what is happening. There is no need to cry over spilt milk...just clean it up.
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