My very first 2ww

So I am due to start AF in about 11 days. I am at a point where I want it to just be that point already so that I can try again next cycle and actually chart!!! So I know when I ovulate. I am not sure if we caught it this month between be not really be sure when it would occur and Amirs back going bad about half way through my cycle we most likely missed it. But of course there is still that small glimmer of hope that I Just maybe caught it anyway. But I won't hold my breathe.

In other news I am getting a lesson plan together we are reading and African Folktale called Asani the Spider tomorrow morning and then the kids and I will make Spiders. Its Friday I like to find fun things to do at the end of the week its also the end of the school year these poor kiddies are restless.

I should have charted...

Now I am feeling like I should have charted :-(

I have no clue if I am ovulating or not lol. I have seen NO CM at all not even a little which leads me to I am not fertile....

OK I am sure I am over thinking life but I just feel this was a bad Idea to not chart.

I hate Math

So I have to take a math exam in order to qualify for certification as a teacher in DCPS. i have taken the test twice in the past 2 months and keep failing it by 1 freaking POINT. I am so annoyed I think I will likely have one more chance to take it without getting in trouble from my program so I need to seriously study. I will admit the first time I did not study at all and second time I called myself studying an hour before I got up to leave for the exam so I need be realistic and actually study. I think between trying to finish and defend my grad school thesis and finishing up a course in order to graduate I really just was not motivated to study math but now I need to get it together and really have no choice as I will not be able to teach without passing it and I have no excuse since I am currently done with school.

In other news I met with my principal on Friday and I will be teaching third grade next year. I am very happy about that when I signed up for this program 3rd or 4th grade were my first picks and I ended up with 1st grade moreso out of that being what was available and me having to take whatever came my way as I agreed to go where i was "needed" and not be picky. I love my first graders but I dont like teaching this grade. So I am very happy and excited to be teaching a grade of my choice next year.

On the TTC front I think I am on day 7 of this cycle and am assuming I will ovulate either on the 25th or 26th of this month I really hope its the 26th seeing as I will be driving back from Charlotte on the 25th. I have looked at 3 or 4 ovulation prediction sites based on my LMP and a "normal" cycle all have predicted the 26th except for 1 that predicted the 25th. I am not sure how "normal" my cycles are seeing as I have been on birth control on and off for forever. So we shall see....

Birth....

So I just read my friend/big sister Maati's birth story and it made me cry and was beautiful and amazing and made me so much more anxious and excited to become pregnant and be a mom.

I want to have a natural childbirth, ideally with a midwife. Reading Maati's birth story only reconfirmed my desire to do that. I think its important for me to be in tune with my body when giving birth and I am also anti epidurals and hospitals based on things I have seen when my friends have given birth. Of course everyone thinks I am crazy and thinks I need to have a baby the traditional way. We shall see.

AF just left so since I decided not to chart this month I can only guess when I will ovulate Amir and I just decided to try the every other day method this cycle. I am bound to catch ovulation that way RIGHT??? LOL I know, I know definitely not a guarantee.

To Chart or Not to Chart.....

That is the question... that i am truly beating myself up over.

Amir and I haven't really discussed simply because I really do know my husband well enough to know what he will say. He will tell me to chill and see what happens. He knows I have OCD and he knows I will probably become more obsessed with getting pregnant than I already am. To be honest this is my fear. I am afraid charting will be way too much for me and it will make me stress out too much. I just can't decide what to do.

I guess I need to decide ASAP seeing as AF will be here any day.

Bittersweet Weekend

So this weekend was a bit rough for me. We start out with Friday which was May 8th. That is my mothers birthday which is always hard for me. I still at 25 can't decide what I would have preferred, a life knowing my mother and then losing her or the life I have now. Not remembering my mother at all because she died when I was so young. I guess there is no choice that would be "better" its just hard to deal with. That being said mothers day being 2 days later is only worse and I guess its even harder for me now because prior to being married mothers day was just another day for me but now I spend this time with Amirs mother and it just makes me a little sad. I love my MIL dearly and I think she tries super hard to always make me feel like "I have a mother" but of course its not the same. Thats a picture of my mom.

On a happier note... this weekend my little cousin graduated from my Alma Mater Howard University!!! Woohoo! I am so proud of her and her graduation made it a great weekend since I spend alot of time with my family.

Worse Day Ever!!

Ok not really. It was just a very exhausting day to go along with my very exhausting week. I am officially done with Grad school for now. I will be graduating in under 10 days. I will have a break through the summer before I start my second masters in education.

My principal does not believe in substitutes I don't know what but she doesn't. As a result not once, not twice, but three times this week I was stuck with not only my high energy very active first graders but half of some other teachers class because she was out. This morning I felt like Arnold in Kindergarden cop.



At one point I sat down and put my head in my hands and all I hear is Tarae (my favorite student although we shouldnt have favorites. I actually have 3 lol) but anyway all I hear is Tara saying you guys look Mrs. Greene is so mad at us. I felt bad I was not mad just feeling overwhelmed.

This is my first few months teaching, I started in February and at times I simply feel like I was thrown in this classroom with no guidance or direction.

Well hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I am heading into DC to go meet my aunt, uncle, and cousin for dinner. Their in town for my cousins graduation from Howard :-)